Catastrophising
Anxiety, trauma and how to deal with catastrophising
Earlier this week I read an article from
’s Slow Sunday Scroll (a weekly roundup) on The Hyphen called ‘How to defuse catastrophic thoughts’. It immediately stood out to me and I opened it straight away. I know I’ve suffered from catastrophising in the past but this year, since my little boy Rory passed away, it has felt out of control at points.The dictionary states catastrophising is ‘to overreact by treating (a setback) as a catastrophe’.
A BBC article last year takes this further. It is ‘a mental habit in which you overestimate the chances of something bad happening, and exaggerate the potential negative consequences of that scenario’.
I’ve always been an anxious person but have actively tried to take myself out of my comfort zone as a way to try and move forward and make things less anxiety crippling. I would volunteer to do presentations at work as the idea of it made my skin crawl. I’d immediately have thoughts that people would think what is she talking about, she’s so bad, I’d stutter or make the wrong impression. The bigger the audience the more people to think I’m a complete loser. But I’d put myself out there as it was just a presentation. How on earth would I get more comfortable with the situation unless I put myself out there. I’d practice what I’d be saying over and over and remember that people aren’t just always thinking about you, they’re more interested in themselves. In the situation of work, I knew to progress I would have to do these things and put my anxiety to the side.
This year, the worst did happen to me. My worst nightmare. My little boy died. Ever since, my anxiety has come back ten fold. January to March I suffered regular panic attacks and then they came back for a while after my miscarriage in May.
When Tim got very poorly on holiday in California in June, my mind went out of control. I ended up having to join him in the hotel room as sitting by the pool all I could think about was what if he dies. You might think, that’s a huge leap from the flu to dying, but Rory went downhill so quickly and he died. So my brain is now hard wired to think, if someone close to me gets ill it’s highly likely the worst is going to happen. I remember looking over at Tim as he slept wondering if he was still breathing. I could barely focus on reading my book or anything else. On the outside I might have seemed calm, but internally my mind was spinning out of control. When he said, if he wasn’t feeling better by the morning we should go to Urgent Care, my mind went straight back to Florida. Tim had said this exact thing about Rory the night of the Friday 30th December. A few hours later we were in Children’s A&E with our little boy in septic shock fighting for his life.
Recently a friend’s little one was ill and was presenting some symptoms similar to Rory. A fever, not wanting to eat, a rash, lethargic and short of breath. An ambulance had been called but they had left after checking him over. The conclusion was it was likely viral as the child wasn’t vomiting. Again, my thoughts went out of control and I had to stop myself texting my friend back saying you need to get him to hospital and on antibiotics immediately. Have they ruled out sepsis?! I know she was thinking of Rory the whole time and would have asked this question. I had to talk through my thoughts with Tim and knew this was my issue rather than any one else’s. Every parent knows their child best and you have to trust in the professionals too.
In the early hours of Saturday 31 December we knew something just wasn’t right so we trusted our gut and got ourselves to Urgent Care and were sent to the Children’s ER immediately. The doctors told us we got him there at the right time and it’s something I try to remind myself when my mind runs out of control saying we could have done more.
This is something I’ve spoken about with our bereavement counsellor and I’ve agreed that when I feel like I’m spiralling I’ll try to remove myself from the situation. I’ll stand up and get out for a walk if I can. If that’s not possible, I’ll take myself to the garden. It’s amazing how fresh air and nature can help.
Deep, long breaths sometimes work and if I’m on the brink of a panic attack I’ll try a CBT senses technique. I’ll go through all my senses and think of one thing for each (eg. I can smell coffee, I can hear the birds etc.) and try to ground myself.
Sometimes these work, sometimes they don’t. Deep seated trauma does a number on your mind and it can take a long time for it to regulate again. This all ties in ability to focus etc. but we’ll touch on that another time.
Verbalising fears also help. Again with trauma this can be tricky but I find that by talking it helps me slowly process things. This is why it can be really helpful to see a counsellor/ therapist or talking to your partner/ trusted friends.
Have you catastrophised? What have you found that’s helped you?
Let me know in the comments.
Until next time